Interview with a Pappy Claus…

It happens after Thanksgiving every year. Mrs. Pappy Claus and I start our annual Christmas gift shopping and people stop and look twice or thrice at me. One time, we were eating lunch and a nice lady stopped by our table and said, “My grandson saw him and said, “Look! Santa’s eating lunch but that’s not Mrs. Claus!” She also said her grandson thought she should pay for my lunch. She didn’t.

Other times, I have been in stores and walk pass a young child who is not being well behaved. They stop screaming immediately when they see me for some reason. Especially if I stop and pull a pen and a piece of paper out of my pocket and pretend I’m checking a list.

Being the Pappy Claus can be fun though. Take the time a fake news reporter (FNR) saw me and had to ask questions. I was sitting on a bench outside a mall, smoking a corncob pipe loaded with C&D’s Corncob Pipe and a Button Nose – a 2016 Christmas blend that had aged for a year. I was drinking coffee when he walked up.

FNR: Are you really Santa Claus?

Pappy Claus: It’s not what I believe that counts. It’s what the children and the young at heart believe.

FNR: Is that a fake beard?

Pappy Claus: No. It’s mine though I do trim it back after New Year Day so I’m not as recognizable.

FNR: I just saw someone dressed as Santa Claus in the mall. Was he an imposter?

Pappy Claus: Let me tell you a secret. There’s not just one Santa Claus. In different parts of the world we use different names and even wear different types of clothes.  Honestly, you really think one of us could just stop the world from turning long enough to deliver presents to every deserving child around the world?

FNR: Different names? Us?

Pappy Claus: Sure. There’s Santa Claus, Saint Nicolas, Father Christmas, Sinterklaas, Pére Noel, and Babouschka for example. We all have different names but our mission is the same every year. And those are just a few. Every culture or country which celebrates Christmas generally have their own name.

FNR: Santa is always portrayed as fat and jolly. You aren’t fat though.

Pappy Claus: Thank you. I try to eat healthy in preparation of the holiday seasons.

Look, that fat, jolly image is the result of a poem and the art of Thomas Nast. Frankly, we were glad that became the public image. It gave us more freedom to move about the rest of the year. I will admit that after a night of delivering presents, we are a little heavier from eating all the Christmas cookies and drinking the milk left out for us.

FNR: Do you all use flying reindeer to pull a sleigh full of presents?

Pappy Claus: Most of us don’t. Sure, the Claus’ who cover areas where there is plenty of snow and ice still use reindeer and sleighs but it varies with the climate and geography. At first, the reindeer were used only in the far northern areas of Finland, Norway, Sweden and Russia. The magical reindeer capable of flying didn’t come to the Americas until the late 1800s.

In Louisiana, for example, one of us actually use a pirogue pulled by an alligator. Now, that gator can’t really fly, but he can leap out of the water and glide for about 20 miles before he has to touch ground and leap up again. Really though, in Louisiana, he is powerful enough to pull the pirogue so fast it glides just above the surface of the bayou.

FNR: Speaking of presents, why are you shopping? I thought you had a workshop at the North Pole where elves made all the toys and gifts.

Pappy Claus: Oh, we still have the workshop and the elves stay busy, but they unionized and we are very concerned about their working conditions and hours they have to work. Almost a hundred years ago we started expanding our operations and provided some of our best workers with the opportunity to build toy shops in other locations. It was also good for the economy in those areas.

FNR: But why are you shopping?

Pappy Claus: Quality control. It’s how we make sure good products are on the shelves.

FNR: Do you really use a “Naughty or Nice” list?

Pappy Claus: These days it’s all computerized. We have a central data base for each area and the servers send out regionalized list to each Claus.

FNR: I see you have a pipe and some famous artwork shows Santa smoking a pipe. Isn’t that setting a bad example for the little children.

Pappy Claus: Look around at all our helpers in the malls and stores. Do you ever see any of them smoking anything while on the job? Get close to them? Do they smell like cigarette smoke? No. That’s because those of us who are pipe smokers are responsible pipe smokers. Personally, I am more worried about those commercials showing us drinking sugary soft drinks.

FNR: So, what do you smoke? Is it something that helps you get your sleigh up?

Pappy Claus: Humph! Guess I need to double check which list you are on.

Those of us who smoke are pipe smokers. Some of us like straight English blends, some favor Balkan Blends.  We have quite a few who like the aromatics filled with the aromas of the holidays. This one has a hot cocoa aroma, for example. But my favorite blends for the holidays smell like baking cookies or pies loaded with vanilla, chocolate, fruit, nuts and spices. I even have blends that remind me of mincemeat pies and fruitcake.

FNR: Well, I don’t believe you are the real Santa. You’re just an old white guy with a beard wearing a red sweater and a hat.

Pappy Claus: Like I said earlier. It’s not about what I believe. It’s not about what you believe. Some things just are, like snowflakes.

 

Recommended Christmas, Holiday or Winter Blends

Many of the Christmas or Holiday blends are limited editions and can be hard to find these days. If you can find them, they are worth the effort.

Cornell & Diehl: Corn Cob Pipe (and a Button Nose), We Three Kings; McClelland: Holiday Spirit; Peterson: Holiday Season; Rattray or Kohlhase & Kopp: Winter Edition; Country Squire: Figgy Pudding.

(© J. Gibson Creative Services 2017)