It’s rare to find him during the busiest weeks leading to his busiest night of the year, but our favorite Fake News Reporter (FNR) managed to stumble upon him again. Santa Claus was sitting on the tailgate of his Ruby Red 1945 Dodge pick-up, smoking a long-stemmed Meerschaum pipe, while Mrs. Claus was picking up supplies needed by one of the craft elves. FNR spent some time catching up with Santa.
FNR: You look familiar. Hey! I know you?
Have you been doing better this year? Last time we spoke, I searched and found you at the very bottom of my list. That’s why you only received licorice and #2 lead pencils in your stocking.
FNR: So, it is you! What have you been doing since then?
Well, in January we caught up on paperwork and Letters to Santa which didn’t arrive on time. I’m sorry to report but if we don’t get the letters by Dec. 23rd, we sometimes can’t fulfill the Christmas wishes for toys. After that we took the February off and caught Mardi Gras in New Orleans.
March was spent getting the Elf workforce back to work on making the classic toys most children want each year. We also start tracking what new toys are going to be required that no one knows about. You know, the spin-off merchandise from movies that aren’t released yet.
FNR: Anything exciting you can share we me?
No, that would be telling. You’ve been better this year, but you could have a relapse and rush out to buy up the new toys and sell them for outrageous prices on-line. That’s not a nice thing to do.
FNR: But, I’d never… Say, I’ve heard a rumor that you took a side job this year. Is it true you’re working as a Mall Santa some days?
Well, yes, it is. With the technology upgrades we’ve installed over the past two years, I can actually afford to take off a few hours each week. I have my phone set to receive notifications when important emails and messages come in, so I do stay on top of things.
Also, I’ve found it both informative and heart-warming to visit with the children – young and old – who come to have their picture taken with Santa. It reinvigorates my soul when a little Ashley or Johnny comes running up and gives me a hug before telling me what they want.
FNR: Technology? I thought you did things the old-fashioned way.
Who do you think invented email? Of course, we originally called it elf-mail but Mrs. Claus thought it would be good to shorten the name to email and let everyone use it.
FNR: You said young and old?
Well, of course, if someone is a Believer and keeps Christmas in their heart all year, then the physical age doesn’t matter. I recently had a 93-year old Christmas child and her 60-year old daughter come for a photo with their small Yorkshire Terrier. The youngest so far was a precious little 2-week old girl.
FNR: What kind of things are they asking for?
Pappy Claus: The two I just mentioned didn’t ask for anything. But I have been given a lot of requests for dinosaurs, robots, dolls, trains – it’s really good to see dolls and trains at the top of the request lists – bikes and books. Some even bring their letters to me listing things they would like. The letters are always fun to read before I pass them on to the mail elf – her name is Clarice, by the way.
One of the most memorable was the last line of a letter that read, “Don’t listen to my mommy! I still believe in you!”
FNR: Anything out of the normal or outrageous this year?
I just had a young man about 20-years old who was part of a family group. He asked for a million dollars. (I told him it would be Monopoly money.) There was also a young woman who brought her niece for a photo and she said all she wanted under the tree was a good man. (I told her she would have to talk to my friend, Cupid, because that would be in his jurisdiction.)
One more that surprised both me and her mother, a little girl looked me straight in the eyes and said she wanted a little brother for Christmas. Her mother turned redder than Rudolph’s nose.
And of course, there are the ones who bring a tear to my eye and heart. Like the one who said he just wanted his daddy to get well because he has been sick for a long time. They leave you without words.
FNR: How do you answer that last one?
That’s between me and the little boy, but I have to remind all of the children that I don’t make promises, that the gifts they receive are based on how good they have been and what will lift their hearts.
FNR: Well, before I go, I have to ask what you are smoking today.
Pappy Claus: This is a new blend that’s out this year and Cornell & Diehl said they named it after me, Jolly Old St. Nicholas. Anyone looking for a good stocking stuffer for a pipe-smoking loved one or friend so consider it. I’ve come to enjoy its subtle orange and ginger aroma and flavor.
And, just for the record, I don’t smoke my pipe around children or the younger elves.
© J. Gibson Creative Services. December 19, 2018
