By New Year’s Day, everyone has made a number of New Year Resolution they swear they will keep all year. By January 2, they have ignored those resolutions. This year I made a resolution to not be like everyone else. I resolved to only make pipe smoking resolutions that I know I will or can keep. (Since this is 2018, I decided to just make eight resolutions.)
Resolution 1:
Smoke a pipe once a day on average. When I don’t have the opportunity to smoke a pipe one day, smoke twice the next day. Over a year, this will make sure I average one bowl a day.
Resolution 2:
Instead of opening a recently purchased or received tin or pouch of pipe tobacco, open & smoke a blend already in the cellar. Most pipe smokers have a stock of tobacco on hand. We call this our pipe tobacco cellars and claim it’s for aging. (Think of it as a wine cellar but holding tobacco instead of wine.) Problem is, we buy multiple tins of tobacco and smoke one and store the other. Then we move on to the next blend that catches our attention.
I know some pipe smokers who have enough stored tobacco to start two or three pipe shops in two or three different states. One of them recently boasted that he had over 700 lbs. of tobacco. Another claimed if he stopped buying tobacco today he would have enough to last until he was 137 years old. I am not one of them. The supply I have would probably only stretch two or three years if I stopped buying pipe tobacco today.
My plan is to buy one or two tins and then put them away while I finish smoking what I have already opened. My problem is that it doesn’t always work that way. I have some tobacco that I loved smoking five or six years ago. They are now sitting in the bottom of a storage box unopened. Nothing wrong with them other than I keep exploring new blends.
Resolution 3:
In keeping with the previous resolution, I resolve to smoke what I have already opened before opening a new or stored blend. I currently have six or seven different blends open. I need to smoke them before I open something else.
If one of my resolutions is going to get broken, I imagine this will be the first one. It’s called lack of will power and the desire to find “THE” tobacco that I want to smoke all day and every day. I liken it to the people portrayed in the beginning of Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory – except we are searching for the perfect tobacco instead of the golden ticket.
Resolution 4:
Try a new blend once a month and then jar it for storage. I know this is counter to Resolution 3 and 4, but you always have to leave yourself an out. By making a once a month exception you can still claim to be in compliance with the other resolutions.
Resolution 5:
Practice diversity in my pipe smoking. I know pipe smokers who only smoke aromatics. I know pipe smokers who only smoke English blends. I even know one or two men who only smoke one or two blends. I will not be one of them. I will smoke aromatics, Balkans, Burleys, Cavendish, English, Orientals, Scottish and Virginias (Pure Virginias and all the Virginia based blends like Virginia/Burley and Virginia/Perique). Why be stuck in a rut of just smoking basically the same old thing day-in and day-out?
Resolution 6:
Keep my pipes clean. I’m a firm believer in running a pipe cleaner through my pipes and wiping out the bowl with a tissue after smoking. I will also polish the smooth briars once a month to keep them shining. This is another commonsense resolution for me. A clean pipe makes a better smoking experience.
Resolution 7:
Don’t blow smoke in anyone’s face. Unless they ask for it. This is a common courtesy resolution for me. If I’m around non-pipe smokers, I make a point of not blowing smoke (the physical smoke, not the rhetorical, verbal smoke) towards them. When I’m sitting outside with my wife and/or anyone else, I sit to where the wind isn’t carrying my smoke towards them. It’s no big deal for me to move my chair. As for the “Unless they ask for it,” that’s reserved for pipe club meetings and for those times when someone wants to get a better sense of what I am smoking.
Resolution 8:
I resolve to make at least one small purchase a month from my local pipe shop. Yes, it can be more expensive than ordering online but the local shops need our business if they are going to stay open. Besides, the shop I use most often has just moved into a new building and has a large smoking lounge plus a covered patio for smoking. They are also allowing the New Orleans Pipe Club to hold its monthly meetings in the lounge.
(© J. Gibson Creative Services 2017)
